Litterbug
 
I don’t know if you’ve noticed
when you’re driving in your car
But there’s a phenomenon occurring
and it’s occurring near and far
I don’t know who the culprit is
it certainly isn’t me
But it grinds my gears and makes me mad
- whoever could it be?
 
You must see all the rubbish
it’s all along the road
Litterbug is everywhere
the dirty little toad
He leaves his mark behind him
he’s the lowest of the low
And if I catch him in the act
I’ll certainly tell him so
 
Sometimes I fantasise about how I would react
What I’d say and do if I caught him in the act
My husband says “don’t get involved, just look the other way"
But I’m not sure I could do that, I’d have to have my say
 
I’d have to grab the chance to look him squarely in the eye
To tell him what I think of him, then calmly ask him why
When he wound his window down and chucked his rubbish out
“Who did he think would pick it up?!” I'd try hard not to shout
 
It’s not his fault he’s stupid though, he can’t be held to blame
He wasn’t educated and he hasn’t got a brain
His mummy didn’t tell him when he was a little boy
Dimwits who drop rubbish are devoid of pride and joy
 
He doesn’t see the beauty of our countryside you see
He's inclined to desecrate it with remains of KFC
The trees and fields and daffodils hold no delight for him
He’s a philistine, a cretin – I hope he’s not your kin?
 
If he is, do us a favour, have a little word
Explain the situation, I know it sounds absurd
Take some time to spell it out, make it crystal clear
When he does his thing and litters, it won’t just disappear
 
It lays there on the roadside, a sad and ugly thing
It can’t just pick itself up and find a handy bin
It could be there for centuries, millennia or more
Unless a litter picker comes and picks it off the floor
 
Our local WhatsApp group organised a litter pick
We analysed the rubbish and it really made us sick
It’s mostly fast food wrappers that get disposed of in this way
It’s pvc and cellophane, things that don’t decay
 
Let’s get Britain tidy, let’s start a new campaign
Let’s educate our children and all be proud again
Let’s do our bit and contribute, there’s so much we can do
To eliminate all litterbugs – I hope he isn’t you?!
 
(I feel that I should mention, just in case I might offend
Litterbug can be any gender, he isn’t only men
But for the purpose of my poem it worked more easily
on this occasion artistic licence trumps equality)

#keepitbinit