Lockdown Dog for Sale
 
Our children had left home, our nest had been vacated
we had time to do nice things again but felt a bit deflated
We dived into our hobbies, nothing held us back
life was good, the house was clean, I even made flapjack
 
But then our peace and quiet was shattered in one blow
Covid struck, they all came home, upset the status quo
We made the best of everything, we all kept isolated
we washed our hands and watched tv, but got a bit frustrated
 
The first few months were easy, they enjoyed the time they had
but as time went on they realised work isn’t all that bad
They missed their work companions and boredom settled in
they started getting ratty, patience wearing thin
 
It happened during lockdown, am I the only one?
who weakened under pressure, it was going to be such fun
“Let’s get a dog” they all implored, “it will make your life complete
for you and dad when all alone, a doggy at your feet”
 
I said no for ages, I’m not some sort of schmuck
they promised they’d go dog walking, they’d pick the do-do’s up
They said they would come home more, they’d want to play with him
we’ve not seen them for ages now they’re back at work again
 
I dug my heels for quite some time, I wasn’t going there
I didn’t want my kitchen floor covered in dog hair
They caught me when my guard was low, I’m still not quite sure how
they drove up to Nottingham – we’ve got Charly now
 
It seemed like such a good idea, it all made perfect sense
but he’s such hard work and needy, and a sizeable expense
I do enjoy a walkies on a nice warm sunny day
but when it’s cold and rainy he still needs to go and play
 
I love him dearly, he’s very good, I really can’t complain
he’s quite well trained and friendly but he’s driving me insane
He sits under the table when we have our evening meal
stares at us with big brown eyes, it’s really not ideal
 
My clean fresh-scented house is now a distant memory
I hoover all the time but it smells unsavoury
Dank wet-dog aroma is now wafting through the hall
to welcome friends and family when they come to call
 
His favourite place to sit is where he’ll be most in the way
he must like being trodden on, it happens every day
He chews my plants, he digs the lawn, he’s not yet realised
he’s on his final warning - he’s about to be excised
 
I’ve made up my mind, I won’t give in, it’s time for him to go
I’ll sell him to the highest bidder, I’ve told my husband so
I’ve put the ad in locally, I’ve not gone nationwide
I hope the kids don’t see it though, they’d be horrified!
 
He’s up for sale, a bargain, for anybody who
would like to take a doggy home and likes to pick up poo
One careful lady owner, his mileage is quite low
good with kids and other dogs and always on the go
 
And yet, I don’t know, I think maybe I’ve had a change of heart
it really will create a rift, upset the apple cart
Our kids will be so sad – might never come back home
they’ll think I’m mean, oh what the heck, just give the dog a bone!