My OCD and The Dog

 

My OCD is getting worse, I might need therapy

My husband thinks I might be cursed, it’s hard to disagree

My condition’s not compulsive, it’s not the common kind

It’s Obsessive Cleaning Disorder - mess irritates my mind

 

A whirling swirling dervish, that’s me, today’s my cleaning day

I may look a little crazy so don’t get in my way

Specially if you’ve got big ears, a hairy golden coat

A long tail shedding everywhere, that really gets my goat

 

If you’re a Golden Retriever called Charly – woe betide!

All this mess, this dirt and these hairs, I’d recommend you hide

If I was him on cleaning day, I’d keep a low profile

I’d ask to go outside and play when mummy looks hostile

 

A maniacal cleaning freak, the hoover is plugged in

I’m dangerous, armed and ready – so let the fun begin!

Intrepid dirt-seeking missile, I’m focussed and obsessed

As I wield the crevice nozzle - poor Charly’s looking stressed

 

Bless his heart, I love him so, he doesn’t seem to mind

He seems to understand that I don’t mean to be unkind

Please don’t judge too harshly but yes, at times he’s been abused

It might be animal cruelty - I’m guilty as accused

 

I’m sometimes over-zealous, it seems to make such sense

If I hoover Charly, go direct, is that a criminal offence?

I’m not completely callous though, I do adjust the power

I set it to lightweight fabrics, then work for half an hour

 

I’ve done a time and motion survey and made a calculation

If I shaved his coat completely it would ease the situation

But that would be a heinous crime, he’s a beauty to behold

OK it would save lots of time, but he’d be sad – and cold

 

I think Charly knows the score, I’m sure that he would say

The indignity of being hoovered is a price he’s prepared to pay

He lives a very pleasant life, he’s on a winning streak

he’s a pampered pooch in every way - apart from twice a week