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My OCD and The Dog
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My OCD is getting worse, I might need therapy
My husband thinks I might be cursed, it’s hard to disagree
My condition’s not compulsive, it’s not the common kind
It’s Obsessive Cleaning Disorder - mess irritates my mind
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A whirling swirling dervish, that’s me, today’s my cleaning day
I may look a little crazy so don’t get in my way
Specially if you’ve got big ears, a hairy golden coat
A long tail shedding everywhere, that really gets my goat
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If you’re a Golden Retriever called Charly – woe betide!
All this mess, this dirt and these hairs, I’d recommend you hide
If I was him on cleaning day, I’d keep a low profile
I’d ask to go outside and play when mummy looks hostile
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A maniacal cleaning freak, the hoover is plugged in
I’m dangerous, armed and ready – so let the fun begin!
Intrepid dirt-seeking missile, I’m focussed and obsessed
As I wield the crevice nozzle - poor Charly’s looking stressed
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Bless his heart, I love him so, he doesn’t seem to mind
He seems to understand that I don’t mean to be unkind
Please don’t judge too harshly but yes, at times he’s been abused
It might be animal cruelty - I’m guilty as accused
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I’m sometimes over-zealous, it seems to make such sense
If I hoover Charly, go direct, is that a criminal offence?
I’m not completely callous though, I do adjust the power
I set it to lightweight fabrics, then work for half an hour
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I’ve done a time and motion survey and made a calculation
If I shaved his coat completely it would ease the situation
But that would be a heinous crime, he’s a beauty to behold
OK it would save lots of time, but he’d be sad – and cold
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I think Charly knows the score, I’m sure that he would say
The indignity of being hoovered is a price he’s prepared to pay
He lives a very pleasant life, he’s on a winning streak
he’s a pampered pooch in every way - apart from twice a week
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